It’s nearly time to leave…

I leave in little over 4 days and I am completely calm about it.  I can’t help to think that something is not right.  Shouldn’t I be freaking out about this?  I’m leaving home for 6 months yet I’m acting like it’s only for a weekend.  Surely there’s some catch to studying abroad and not having any doubts?

Nonetheless the past week has been the best week I’ve had all year.  Ever since getting my job last October I was in hopes of being accepted to study abroad so I saved up essentially all my earnings (Christmas took out a chunk of that).   Then when I got the confirmation sometime in April/May I went into “heavy” saving mode.  This consisted of essentially never going out unless I had to, spending money on only myki, fuel, food (if that), and phone bill. 

I remember looking at my bank account in May and going “yeah, I don’t think I have enough money” and was seriously considering taking out a bank loan but since I’ve hit my threshold last week I’ve had all this spending money and actually going out and enjoying life.  Not going to lie, it’s pretty sweet.

Now comes the exciting part about what to go and explore when in Europe.  It’s just my luck that the FIBA Basketball World cup is being held in Spain this year.  I can totally go watch the USA play but I’m having doubts as the seats wouldn’t be that great.  Also watching an Arsenal game in the U.K would be sweet as but damn them tickets are expensive.

I’ve gone out every day for the past week and will continue to go out up until I leave Australia.  I guess this is the life I would be living if I had money to spend.  Oh the joys of life.

- Kevin

20 things no one ever told me

1. That 90% of your Facebook friends aren’t really your friends

2. That I’ve got the exact same haircut I did 10 years ago, just styling it a different way.  Fashion is weird.

3. That I no longer yearn to wear anything that has a logo and rather buy plain clothing

4. That forgiving the ones who ignored you in high school is a lot more easier when you don’t care anymore

5. That I would still dream about my ex’s years after breaking up

6. That for the first time in 5 years I have money but can’t spend it because I’m once again “saving up”

7. That somewhere down the track, I stopped looking up to my friends and they started looking up to me

8. That I’m ridiculously good at planning things that my alternate job industry could be event management

9. That at the age of 24, I still can’t write about true love because I’ve never truly felt it

10. That the three things I wanted to be when growing up (Singer, Professional bball player, and Novel writing) I never ended up pursuing.

11. That I have a fucking fear of birds (peacocks, turkeys, pelicans etc.)

12. That you don’t actually ever become “just friends” with your ex’s

13. That I was 23 years old until I actually ate peanut butter

14. And still have yet to eat Vegemite

15. That I familiarize myself more as an Australian than an Asian

16. That you thought you could escape Youtube, but you can’t

17. That living outside your comfort zone is the best way to live

18. That pursuing your filmic dreams is 10% joy and 90% hating everything you’ve ever produced

19. That you’re actually in the abyss about how you’ll handle yourself overseas for 6 months

20. That for once in your life, you are finally happy.

The ones that get away…

So thoughts tonight are on a man who was an incredible initiator for the Melbourne Youtube community.  His name was Jarrod and he founded a company called vidception.  He died a few nights ago through supposedly cancer.  Now I didn’t personally know him, I knew of him and shook his hand once at a Youtube gathering, but I always get bemused at the comments people post on someone’s profile AFTER they die.

I don’t accuse anyone in particular, but I’ve lost both my grandmas and I’ve heard people say how they never spent enough time with her and shit like that.  But the thing is, when she was alive, they never came around to visit.  When she was sick in hospital, they never came around to visit as well.  All of a sudden, when she died, everyone gave a little sob story and moved on with their lives.

It’s a flaw in the system.  If you asked me would I rather hear nice things people said about me whilst I was alive or when I was dead, I would want to hear them when I’m alive.  It’s the number one reason I don’t hold any personal grudges, and if I do I let them go because I could die anytime, they could as well, it’s not worth carrying a feud for the rest of your life.

The thing I really dislike are comments made about the ones who pass away.  “My thoughts are with their family,” - You didn’t know them or their family…  “I wish I could tell you this to your face” - well you had your chance… “They’re in a better place now” - not really…  “Rest in Peace” - well what else is there to say?

I just feel like these things become mandatory things to say.  It’s like when people (like me) say “bless you” after someone sneezes.  I guess what I’m getting at is there’s people who have never talked to that deceased person but find comfort in making a Facebook status wishing them to rest in peace.  It feels like it’s some kind of trending topic.

"Almost dying changes nothing.  Dying changes everything."

- Kevin

This one needed to be fucking written

*warning* - this gets pretty bad.

I have a friend, if you may call them that, who I don’t see very often.  Now this is because we’ve naturally grown apart but I truly believe now it’s because they can’t let go of what used to happen.  See I’m completely over the situation or time period that happened, yet, for some reason, this person still just can’t get over it and is actually quite hostile when I see them in real life. 

And the thing is, I treat them normally.  I’m able to let go of the past and continue on into the future by actually wanting to talk to them normally again.  But this person just barrades me with all these negative comments.  When you leave somewhere and every fucking time, you hear them making jokes about you when you come back.  Like this is the shit you hear in high school.  Not in adult life.  Da fuck gives you the right to make someone who’s supposedly your “friend” feel like their not wanted?  It’s not just this instant, I went to this person’s bday party and I kid you not, the only thing they said to me was “who invited you.”  Thanks, I didn’t just spend money on a present and put proper thought into it just so you could pretend I never existed.

And all this time in my head I was like ” I miss my friend” like I actually miss hanging around you.  But every-time I’ve hung around them since, it’s been terrible.  I’m reminded of all the bad times and how ugly (personality) that person really is. And two years on, they still carry around like the same person. The tough thing is that they put on this fake ass mask to every other person.  So it’s essentially only me that they feel like treating this way.  But hey, I’m not one person to be all nice if they are truly being a bitch.  For example:

- You say you don’t want to be popular but that’s exactly the opposite of you want you want

- You’re insecure as fuck, that’s why you’re always looking in to the mirror looking at how you look (trust me, you’re nothing without make-up)

- You need constant verification that you “look good,” “so talented” and “sahhh funny” that people are virtually sucking your dick

So take a good hard look at yourself.  No matter how “popular” you may become or how many “friends” you will have in your lifetime.  I will always remember how you treated me and how fake you are really are.

I think this time, this is the last straw.  This blog is dedicated to inspiring others, so you shouldn’t continue friendships that make you feel useless.  Being ignored, being referred to as a negative connotation, and being made fun of so others laugh AT you rather than WITH you.

I honestly do wish them the best, but one thing I don’t stand for is people who bewilder others so they can feel more superior.  GOD DAMN, that felt good to finally let go.  Catharsis complete.


A message to 30 year old Kevin

Hello, so there’s currently some dead time I can kill so I thought it might be worthwhile to write a note to my future self.  Now, there’s a lot of those “write a letter addressed to myself as a kid”, but I feel like this one is going to be better than that.  This one will be for me to read when I’m 30 years old.  Some of this may seem harsh but it’s nothing but love and reflection.

First of all, Kevin, you’re 23 years old but sometimes you still act like you’re 16 years old.  It’s all good to keep your youth and be nostalgic but if you’re learnt anything over the past year, it’s that it’s time to grow up.  You’ve struggled for a good 2 years with no secure job and you’ve finally got one.  I wish that money never controls your life but you have enough of it in the future to be free from debt.

You launched your own video production company in 2014 and it’s very gratifying.  Please don’t give up on it.  The reason why you’re the only one left out of your best friends without a full time job is that you refuse to let go of your dream.  Chase it, pursue Future History Projects, it gives you so much joy and you have so many ideas it could change the world.  In saying that, don’t forget about the others.  You tend to work on your projects by yourself, let others help you, stop being so fucking scared about what they’ll think about it.  And I hope Future History Projects succeeds and you see it become everything you’ve imagined it to be.

You haven’t had a real relationship since you were 18.  That’s partly due to being heartbroken multiple times and vowing never to feel that pain again.  You’ve had some nice flings across the years but somewhere down the track, you forgot to respect girls.  Treat them as the objective rather than the object,  I only hope that someday, you’ll finally give up your ways and commit to a serious relationship with a girl.  Go find her, or if you’re lucky enough, she’ll come to you.

It’s not 100% confirmed that you’re going to Denmark for overseas exchange in semester two in 2014.  But remember the hard work you put in the application, even if you don’t get it, be proud of yourself and continue to live the life you were meant to.  If you do get it, well, you already know it’s going to be an amazing experience.  Visit all the surrounding European countries and for once, get lost in a world you have no idea you are in.  You live a lot in your comfort zone, test who you really are by going out of your comfort zone.

Some current Favourite things.

- Favourite Singer is John Legend.
- Favourite song is “Ordinary People” by John Legend and “Forever” by Chris Brown.
- Favourite album is “The Truth about Love” by Lemar
- Favourite movie is Coach Carter followed by My Sassy Girl and Freedom Writers
- Current celeb crushes are Emma Stone, Melanie Inglesias, and Trisha Hershburger.
- Favourite video game is Lunar: Silver Star Story Complete on PS1
- Favourite NBA team is the Miami Heat

That’s all I really wanted to say.  It’s going to be a crazy 7 years and let’s hope you do what’s right through the eternal road of life.  Pursue, you deserve, buddy :)

- Kevin (23 years old)

Thoughts on possibly studying overseas this year

So, here’s the thing.  50% of the reason why I’m doing a university degree was so I could travel overseas and study.  For that to happen and be convenient for me I had to do the full 3 years instead of 1.5.  Now, I don’t really regret that because I learnt the basics of filmmaking and I made heaps of what will be lifetime friends.

The big issue is I’m doubting if I would want to go overseas now.  I’ve applied for Denmark and the education abroad office called me two weeks ago to tell me I didn’t get in but I could apply for an alternative course at the same school.  I had a moment where I had flashes of what I would spend all my new saved up money with (it was glorious) but then I remembered that I worked so hard on the application process.  So I gave in another application and await the result sometime in March.
I was so pumped on going overseas last year, but things that will happen this year change the situation.  I’m wondering if the only reason I wanted to go overseas was so I could escape my life in Melbourne.  I was pretty messed up at the end of 2012.  I finished my dream screenwriting course but got no job opportunities from it.  Had a really bad falling out with a girl to the point that I had to decide to either let her go or watch myself completely self destruct (I let her go, it was tough, but everything’s good now).

The main thing was I didn’t know where my life was going.  I was 22 years old and virtually didn’t have a job or any clear pathways.  In 2014, I have that pathway.  I have a job and maybe another one.  I sometimes do extra casual stuff on the side which gets me good money but all this money is going into my savings account.  And the money it’ll cost me to have at least a good time in Denmark will exceed at least $12,000. 

January just passed and I realized I did jack all for the first month.  Because I’m saving money, I gotta pick carefully when to go out and when to spend my money.  But if I don’t get in exchange this year, it feels like I would’ve missed quite a but of living.  I don’t give a shit about the parties and crap like that.  It’s things like missing out watching my best friend win the Australian kickboxing championship that do my head in.

With all this strife, I am proud of what I’ve done over January.  I’ve been doing a lot of research for my production company and been editing the short film.  I’ve also started eating more healthier and working out more regularly.  It’s actually starting to show and I’m pretty proud of that.  Also my savings account is looking pretty as well.
That’s all from me for now.  Have a sexual night.


P.S: I just watched “About time” and I didn’t watch the trailer before watching it so I had no idea what it was about.  It was about time travel.  It was okay but I was disappointing in it.  But it played this song in the movie which I’ve completely forgotten about until now.  Such a  great song!

The people who’ve changed me

Hey guys, I know Tumblr isn’t the place for bloggers anymore but a few years ago it was filled with such passionate people who wrote down all their personal thoughts.  I don’t know how long my next blog post will be as I’m juggling quite a few at the moment but I have some downtime while my videos are rendering so I thought why the hell not.  I’ve seen this tumblr page change over the past 6 years to so many different types of blogs.  I just simply want it to be about me.

So for whoever is reading, I hope you find this useful.  Tonight I want to talk about the people who’ve changed me.  Not the typical “mother/father/girlfriend/best friend” type, but the ones who aren’t ever mentioned.

I begin with a DJ friend I met last year.  His name is “DJ LEE” and he found me via my Youtube channel and then through twitter.  He’s form Perth and was going to tour in Melbourne so he wanted to meet up.  He was dj-ing at an Asian club and if you know me, I just don’t go to those clubs anymore but for some crazy coincidence, my uni student group had their camp reunion there so I ended up going.  I met up with Dj Lee at his hotel he was staying at with also his MC friend Victorious and cinematographer Simon.

Straight away these guys were such nice people and I took them to eat down in Chinatown in the Melbourne CBD.  After that we went to the club DJ Lee was dj-ing at and I’ve been part of the VIP section.  Free entry, free drinks, exclusive areas - this was awesome.  After the club we chilled at their hotel room and then took DJ Lee to China Bar.  Here is where I found out the most from him.  He told me all the cool gigs he does and how he manages all the bookings by himself.  Even with all the celebs he hangs with and places he’s been, he probably is the most humblest person I’ve ever met.  He said “my parents taught me well, growing up.” 

Even to a person like me, he was so respectful.  And he didn’t even know me.  This truly changed me.  It was during a time where I had a lot of sould searching to go through.  I was 23 years old, jobless, Youtube channel was giving me the shits (felt like I was selling out) and I was only doing average in school.  After he left the next day, I just sat back a bit and re-evaluated my life.  Where I was going and want I wanted to achieve.  Once I made the decision that I wanted my own video production company, I never looked back.  Every day I would wake up, just wanting to make it happen.  Every “office lease” I saw, I imagined my work office there.  But most of all, I remembered all the people whom I ignored just because they had lower statuses in life than me.  I vowed to never treat strangers with no respect ever again.

And I’m proud to say that sitting here in January 2014, I’m about to launch my own video production company and loving every bit about it.  So to DJ Lee, I raise a glass for you.  You taught me how to truly stay humble and keep your head down and strive for what you want in life.  Thank you.  You were just the inspiration I needed.

In the next post, I’ll tell yal about the story of the man in the factory that made me want to go to school and study hard.



What we do in life echoes in eternity

What do you want out of life?  I ask this because people have all different answers to this.  Is it to start a family?  To become wealthy and successful?  Or to change the world in some aspect?  Mine would be the third one.  I want to leave some kind of legacy behind before I leave this earth forever.

I’m not sure how I’ll do it or when.  Life is this ever changing creature that most people are scared of because they don’t know it.  To say I know this world is completely insane.  I’ve lived in Melbourne my whole life, traveled to Sydney twice.  I’ve never left the country!  What if I was supposed to be in a certain place at a certain time and THAT’S WHEN I CHANGE THE WORLD?

It’s tough keeping a balance in your life.  This year I’ve seen friends come and go, but the true friends will always be there.  School’s taught me to meet deadlines and I’m happy I’m able to motivate myself now.  I’ve also learnt a lot about discipline.  Things will happen eventually but you can’t expect them straight away.  It’s taken me 22 years to finally gain a proper grip on life so I shouldn’t expect to have that perfect life within a week, month, year, or even decade.

We’re going to fail, A LOT in life.  But it’s your responsibility to learn from the mistakes and make sure you improve them next time.  Some people may wonder how I keep so happy all the time.  Honestly, I don’t properly know the answer.  I just look forward to the future and put myself in the best position to make an impact when it counts.  You guys should do the same.  The past is tough, trust me, I know.  Time will heal it but you’ll always have a scar.  But don’t let it worry you, cause someday it will all come together if it hasn’t already.  Believe in what seems like the unbelievable now and watch your dreams come true.

Go out and be social, meet new people.  You never know what those new people will do for you in your life.  And you’ll never know how they’ll change your life.  So smile, be free, be happy, and remember what we do in life echoes in eternity.

- Kev, 03/06/13